Lunch (1)

If it weren't for my desire to spend more quality time with my colleagues, I would have avoided many unpleasant lunches. There are 2 things about them that I find everyone of us. Something rather obvious and undeniable.

First one, is the weird behaviour of returning to something bad with the knowledge and experience that it's bad. We know the food is lousy and expensive. The boss is angry that we choose to enter their restaurant and pay them money they don't deserve. Not forgetting also their extremely slow delivery and almost predictable forgetfulness...

But still we go, because it's within our comfort zone. We don't really like it, but we don't mind settling for low quality - as long as we are fed. We laugh it all off and pretend to be enjoying ourselves. We somehow manage to distract ourselves and our lunch-mates with petty conversations and rather lame jokes. It's only when we get back to our respective stations that we feel the regret, the loss, and our minds become occupied with "Lunch was bad. Lunch was really bad"... Lunch time has become a routine. It's just something we do in between the working day so that we can get our minds off of our jobs.

Now, if you know me, you know I'm not really talking about lunch, even though I am. I'm talking about the fact that we, humans, tend to settle for the easy, comfortable, safe way of doing things. We tend to dwell upon things that aren't really good, and we don't really care. Why do we settle for the ordinary or the good, when we can go for the best?

I'll leave it as that for now. Do read this. It's really good.

My Dream

It's my birthday today - 21 years old. My supervisor couldn't believe it and suggested that I get a plastic surgery. He said I look older than my age, and I don't blame him. When I was 18, a church member thought I was 24. But it doesn't really matter, I know who I am.

My brother, who is now in Australia studying song-writing and theology, asked the right question. He asked me 'how does it feel being a 21-year old?'... It feels like it's way past to make an impact here on earth. It feels like I'm living on borrowed time, solely on grace alone... There's a mission that has to be accomplished, there's a dream that must be fulfilled, there's a hope that must be passed on, there's a script to be completed, there's a story that needs an ending, there's more love to give...

But as I say to my youth group, the Dream-Giver isn't interested in what we do or accomplish - that's how the world measures your worth. Yes, the world judges facts. They look at your certificates, at your trophies, at your bank account, your accomplishments and failures... What He really wants is YOU. And so He looks into your heart. The Dream-giver, in my opinion, dreams not to have things done, but that His creation fulfills their purpose, their function.

So really, this is my dream - to fulfill the Dream-giver's dream - to be all He has destined me to be from the very beginning. And so as I continue to write a script about knowing the Father's love, I allow Him to be the mastermind of it all.

Workaholics (1)

And so here I am now, stuck in this stone cold place. I'm not alone, but it sure does feel that way. No one is sounding the dinner time bell, no one is moving away from their seats. They are focused, they are motivated... Maybe they are workaholics. I'm definitely not...

But I'm here, as though I'm part of them. Technically I am, but really I don't fit in in this matter. I don't fit in at all. I'm the kind that wants to go home because I actually have a home to go to. It's not a place I've worked for or earned or deserved... It's just the dearest place to my heart, and I deperately want to be there right now.

But not these people, no... They are still here, in this place. This place where there is internet access, colleagues to chat with. They are a people who find satisfaction in solving problems and creating solutions. They take pride in what they do, and probably that's all they have - their work. That's is probably the only thing that approves them and rewards them. The only thing that gives them a sense of achievement.

I wonder if they have experienced true love. Obviously they can't find it in their work or bank account... These are sad sad times for me, but I really like to know how they feel too. Do they feel empty when they drive back in their new car? Do they feel sad even lying in bed with the one they love?

To be continued...

Public Transportation - Buses (1)

When I began to work in March, I had to depend on buses for my punctuality. Unfortunately, buses at Sri Sinar, the place I live, doesn't come thick and fast. In fact, it's not countable at all. If I had a choice, I would have not used this form of public transport. But I didn't have a choice, as the train station is not within walking distance... Alright, it is within walking distance - 40 minutes walk!! Unless you want me coming to work filling the office with my body odour.

So now you know that I had to use the bus. Now, bus 29 chooses a different route that will take me an hour to arrive at the office. 43B would be the more reasonable choice as it's 20 minutes faster. 43B doesn't come on time. If you're on it during a non-peak hour, your eyes would probably be able to catch a piece of paper sticking at a window stating the frequency of the bus - it's a lie. Don't count on it, or you'll be disappointed. Over the years, I have learned to accept and manage my expectation. So everytime the bus comes on time, I'm just mighty grateful.

But as you and I both know, life is fairly unfair. You may catch the bus and reach the office on time, but your ride may not be as pleasant as you hope. Many bad things can happen in a bus. In a crowded bus, there will be times when we accidentally cause discomfort to each other.  Then there are possibilities of a bus breakdown - the air-conditioning leaking water resulting in many unsitable seats or even a flat tyre; I have accepted that.What I'm still learning to accept is people not apologizing or acknowledging their mistakes. I say, if you step on someone's foot, say sorry. If the bus can't move anymore, say sorry and refund us. It's not the nature's fault that the bus broke down, it's the company's responsibility!! As simple as that... Why does sorry seem to be a hard word?

What I've learned is this lah, friends- There are times in your life where someone will offend you and not bother to mitigate your loss. Our lives will be so much light and free when we learn not to take offense at little stuff. I suppose it has been good training ground for me.Anyway, I'm taking the train to work now. That's for another day. I'm out.

 

Meetings (1)

Attended a meeting the other day. It felt as though no one understood each other, but they were unaware of it. Everyone assumed that everyone understood each other. I remember someone saying "to assume is make an ass out of u and me". You might as well term this meeting as an "assuming meeting". And I almost felt like ass that day, though I never know how being an ass feels like.

In the midst of a meeting as such, there's always someone who further confuses the situation. He goes a big round in explaining a potential risk or problem, causing loud discussions and resulting in time wasting. After several awkward moments of silence, he comes out with the solution to the problem. Then everyone stands (or sits) in awe and amusement, forgetting that very solution was in place before the mentioning of the problem. I rarely get carried away, because I can't see the problem right from the start. That's the advantage of ignorance, I suppose... hehe.

On other meetings, there will be a group of people who will indulge on unnecessary topics. Someone tells a joke, then the group silently elaborates on it. Once they hit a high, they would laugh out loud for everyone to hear. I don't know how you react or feel towards this situation, but this bothers me in two different ways. First, when I'm the chairman of the meeting a
nd this happens, it shows how lousy a leader I am that people don't respect me enough. I've learned over the years that there's no one to blame except myself for this. Secondly, I didn't get to be in the group. That makes me uncool, overly serious, and strict. I can't lighten up, relax, enjoy the moment, laugh out loud, be young and free... I want to be cool, I want to be the funny one, I want to be able to enjoy myself at the expense of others too.

I use to be able to do those things, but not anymore. Sometimes I really miss those times. Sometimes... I suppose there are times where one desires to be "carefree" and "innocent" again. But the word 'freedom' has misused and misinterpreted anyway. Freedom, as I know it now, is the ability to break free of the bad habits and live right, for the good of self and others. Wisdom came along with maturity; maturity never forgets to bring along responsibility. But the thing that really drives me is my passion and desire. I take myself seriously, I take my job seriously, I take the discussion topic seriously... Sometimes I get overly serious that I offend people. I'm still trying to get the balance lah... just like everyone else. So in the mean time, I'm looking in the mirror and checking myself.